Ninja Revolution: The Dawn of Shinobi

Set in an alternate timeline about 100 years after the death of the Sage of Six paths.
 
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 Shinzen no yoroi

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Sabaku no kūfuku
Chuunin
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Posts : 16
Join date : 2017-02-07
Age : 17
Location : N/A

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Age:: 17
Rank:: Chuunin
Village:: Seishikagure

PostSubject: Shinzen no yoroi   Thu Feb 09, 2017 10:36 am


Name: Shizen no yorio
Rank:C-SS
Type:Traditional Ninjustu/Senjustu
Element:None
Range:Body
Description: By Gathering nature chakra around you and forming it into an armor ,one is able to use this jutsu.With this chakra you form a transparent armor that increases you strength and speed.The higher the rank of the technique the greater the effects.High ranks of this technique ar capable of deflecting taijustu and all subcategories of taijustu.The user however gets their chakra drained whenever the deflect a taijutsu move.Deflection equals nullification ,it has no effect.



C rank: 4 increase to strength and  speed

B rank: 8 increase to strength and speed.

A rank: 16 increase to strength and speed.Protection capable of deflecting any offensive taijutsu move under C-rank.Chakra is drained from user equivilant to the taijutsu move deflected.

S Rank:20 increase to all stats but stamina.Protection capable of deflecting any offensive taijutsu move under b-rank.Chakra is drained from user equivilant taijutsu move deflected.

Ss rank:25 incease to all stats but stamina.protection capable of deflecting any offensive jutsu under S rank.Chakra is drained from user equivalent to jutsu deflected. 

Requirements:Byakugan or ems .Can either be learnt from sengentsu or from regular summoning contract.

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Last edited by Sabaku no kūfuku on Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:57 am; edited 3 times in total
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Reigetsu
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Posts : 423
Join date : 2016-10-23
Age : 19

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Age:: 18
Rank:: A Rank
Village:: Seishikagure

PostSubject: Re: Shinzen no yoroi   Thu Feb 09, 2017 2:35 pm

Hello an thank you for joining Ninja Revolution before I or any of our other staff members can grade this I must ask you you completely using the coding that comes alone with all of our templates on the site but since you are new for this very first time I shall look past the error.

I am going to have to temporarily deny this as it in theory appears as if it is a nerfed form of Sage Mode (Based on its description). I would suggest that you change the description to note that it surrounded your body instead of pulling it towards you or something of that nature. Also there seems to be a slight problem with grammar and I must ask that you check over this for future reference as it may restrict or not allow for myself or any other staff members to properly understand your custom stuff.


I am also going to ask you to clarify its deflection ability, because simply deflecting any jutsu is most likely  going to be denied. I would suggest that you edit that in so that one can deflect only Taijutsu for each rank that possesses the deflecting ability and I ask that for the SS Ranked version that you change it so that you are only capable of deflecting up to A rank Taijutsu. Also please describe what does the deflecting ability does. (Does it cancel out damage? Is it a knockback effect?) Also as a requirement I would suggest you remove the part about being only accessible through the Byakugan or the EMS seeing as nether of the eyes have direct contact to Senjutsu or Nature. I would also like to see that a person needs to have Expert in Senjutsu to even began training or purchasing this ability in addition to that it can only be learned your character and or a summoning contract.

In exchange for these small edits I am going to offer you the chance to boost the stat for each rank as follows:

C Rank = 10
B Rank = 20
A Rank = 30
S Rank = 40
SS Rank = 50

If you have any other questions on concerns you can contact me personally or any other staff listed on the Important People list on the left side of the site. Thank You! Very Happy
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Reigetsu
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Posts : 423
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Age:: 18
Rank:: A Rank
Village:: Seishikagure

PostSubject: Re: Shinzen no yoroi   Thu Feb 09, 2017 3:36 pm

Okay draining chakra is a definite no no. Having a senjutsu technique drain chakra from regular techniques is definitely a no go as as bad things maybe like full body petrification may occur or some other terrible blow backs.

Also I must ask you again to change, clarify that you can only deflect Taijutsu attacks because offensive attacks and be misunderstood and assume to include Ninjutsu. Also you did not describe the deflection ability as absorption of chakra is not in direct correlation with deflecting, which means to simply change the direction of something also remove the ability to boost perception as the armor is specifically state to only boost Strength and Speed.

Also as a requirement I would suggest you remove the part about being only accessible through the Byakugan or the EMS seeing as nether of the eyes have direct contact to Senjutsu or Nature. I would also like to see that a person needs to have Expert in Senjutsu to even began training or purchasing this ability in addition to that it can only be learned your character and or a summoning contract.

In exchange for these small edits I am going to offer you the chance to boost the stat for each rank as follows:

C Rank = 10
B Rank = 20
A Rank = 30
S Rank = 40
SS Rank = 50

If you have any other questions on concerns you can contact me personally or any other staff listed on the Important People list on the left side of the site. Thank You  Very Happy
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